The Dreaded Home Study Wait

Kalle and I are patiently waiting for December 27th to come around. That is the day of our home study visit with our social worker. Our social worker is AMAZING! She has answered all of our questions. Thousands of questions. Questions like, “So our garage is a complete mess, will we fail the home study”? I seriously laughed out loud after sending that question! I feel sorry for her dealing with my fidgety questions. This is why I suggest you find yourself an amazing social worker that is patient and compassionate.

We have been preparing our home for December 27th . I’ve sorted and donated piles of toys. My mom has sorted and organized closets. Kalle and I have continued to educate ourselves about adoption and what to expect in the coming years. I had the similar feeling when I was “nesting” before our biological children, Sadie and Leo,

were born. I have the same eagerness and motivation to get our home ready for a little one.

The past few weeks, our daughter Sadie, has had more questions for us. Kalle and I have done our best to answer them. We give her the freedom to ask whatever she wants about adoption and the process, and we have been blessed to hear her prospective. Sadie asked me yesterday if we can adopt 20 children who need homes. I wish we could but told her we wouldn’t be able to. Sadie started to make plans of our future farm and how we will be building a large home to fit 20 children. Sadie has also been asking if she can have a sister. One of the toughest questions so far…...her concerns about how we will love another child. I mean these are serious concerns for a 5-year-old. (Of course, I cried myself to sleep worrying she won’t feel loved as much or more than we love her now). I feel like she gets it now; that our love grows.

I feel nervous and more anxious about our home study and becoming active. These feelings are coming up just this week and I am not sure why or where these feelings are coming from. I have committed to getting back into my daily meditation routine. I’ve gotten away from it the past 5 months and I know it will help ease my mind.

I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a guest blogger for the past few months on Arrow and Root. The process of writing my thoughts down for all to see has been both eye opening and healing. Blogging has allowed me to be more thoughtful in this process and stay in the present moment. I’ve been able to explore my true feelings and really dig deep. Sharing your heart is not easy and I hope that someone has been able to relate to what I’ve written and that our future child will read this blog one day and know that they are wanted and loved, and how much we prepared ourselves to be the best parents we can be.

We are accepting all good vibes on December 27th !

-Written by Amanda, Blogger

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