20 years. That is how long my husband and I have been dreaming of adoption. I met my husband, Kalle, in high school 20 years ago. We became friends quickly and then started dating. I was 16 and he was 17. Our high school sat along the banks of the Hudson River in a small town in Upstate New York. We would sit along the river during gym or nature class, (yea, that’s right, I said nature class. Our high school was based on the Waldorf curriculum and heavily supported the arts and sciences. Or as my siblings called it
“hippie school”!), talking about our dreams and goals for the future. During one of our chats by the water, Kalle and I discussed our plans for a family one day. I shared with him that I wanted to adopt. He shared the same vision. We dated for another 8 years before getting married. During those 8 years we would often talk about adoption. We have always been inspired by the adoption stories closest to us. Kalle’s older brother was
adopted and then he and his wife adopted a little girl at birth. His two cousins were also adopted from Ecuador and my mom was adopted by her father. We also have a family friend who adopted two boys from South Korea.
8 years: Kalle and I moved from our little town in New York to California. We had just lost our jobs and didn’t have any children yet, so we decided to make the BIG move and seek better opportunities. Leaving our entire family and all of our friends was the most difficult thing we have ever had to do. California has been good to us though! We love the weather, the community we have built and the laid-back attitude; of course, there are the beaches and gorgeous views. But most of all we had our two bio kids here!
6 years: Kalle and I started talking about adoption again once our finances were in order and we had a stable job in place. It wasn’t the right time to jump into the process of adoption yet so we pursued our other dream of having a bio child.
5 years: Our daughter Sadie was born. She was born early due to some complications I had at the end of my pregnancy. She was so tiny. She weighed 5 pounds. Despite her early beginnings, Sadie is a strong and intelligent little girl who brings so much joy and laughter everywhere she goes. We named her after my Great-Aunt and sister and both of Kalle’s Great-Grandmother's. We were told that our Sadie has similar personalities of all these strong women, and for that we are grateful! Sadie “The lady” (as she introduces herself) is 5 years old and going on 25. She’s ready for a career as a holistic doctor but wants to keep playing dress up in between patients. We seriously have had this conversation and she told me this is how it will happen.
1 year and 8 months: Our son Leo was born. We call Leo, “Leo the Lion” and he fits that description to a “T”. He walks around the house roaring loudly and singing on the top of his lungs! He has a strong personality and is so affectionate. We named him after Kalle’s Grandfather’s middle name Lionel. Leo’s birth was traumatic. The labor part was easy, but the nurse who broke my water used so much force that it was the most painful experience I’ve ever felt. The force she used created some internal issues in the healing process. About 5 minutes after she broke my water I went into full labor and asked for an epidural. The only anesthesiologist on duty was busy with another mama-to-be and would be about 20 more minutes. These were the worst 20 minutes and I remember screaming that something felt wrong. Immediately after birth, the placenta came out and then I started to hemorrhage. It took over 15 minutes for it to stop. They had to do several things to get it to stop, which was very painful. It was scary and it all happened so fast.
Over the coming weeks I discovered that I had PTSD from that experience and postpartum depression. It consumed me for months. I had terrible flashbacks of the birth. We immediately knew something was really wrong with me and learned that I was experiencing post-partum depression. I am the happiest person you may every meet, my middle name is Joy in fact, but I was not myself and felt lost and isolated. To combat this, I tried to get a lot of rest, I used essential oils, self-love and healthy foods etc. When Leo turned 1 I finally felt that I had turned the corner and started to feel more like myself again.
8 months: I started to feel better and better each day about 8 months ago. I noticed that I kept getting messages that it was time to adopt. Every dream was no longer an invasive dream, it was a dream about our adoptive child. During the day I would think about adoption constantly. I started to do things in response to these messages like looking into the process, I read books about adoption, watched videos, asked friends and family about their experiences etc. One day the messages were so strong that I decided to share it with my husband because it seemed so real.
5 months: This is when I shared with Kalle that I had been getting strong messages that we should adopt soon and he said “so have I”!
The next day we started contacting all of the agencies we could find online and started researching them and getting their literature. Finally, after months of searching, we found the agency we wanted to work with! And so, it begins…follow us on this journey of adoption; through the good, the bad and the terrifying. We are excited to share our stories with you!