Adoption, it's not a gift. You may be moving your mouse to click out of this post, but wait, I have a reason to why I am saying this.
Oftentimes we view adoption as someone gifting us a child. But there is another side to this story. Actually another 2 sides, that's why we call it the Adoption Triad! But I digress. When we use language surrounding our adoption journey, we need to view it through the lens of the the expectant/birth parents. Then the adoptee, then us. Not the other way around. Our (adoptive parents) voices have been the one voice heard over everyone else's for so long. It's time for that to change. For us to become partners in this journey with the other sides of the triad. Equal voices. Equally valued.
When a mother places her baby in another's arms, she isn't excited to do so. She isn't looking forward to this day. She isn't happy. She is wrecked. Hurting. Broken Hearted and in need of support.
When we gift someone something, we are happy to do so. This is one of the most
heartbreaking moments in her life. She needs you to be present. She needs to know you are there for her, not just using her for a means to her baby. There are so many emotions whirling in everyones hearts in the first moments of welcoming a new life into the world, but the best thing you can do during this time (and weeks, months, and years to come) is to make her feel respected. Honor her wishes. Encourage her. Love her. Have reverence for her! She is a mother and her heart is breaking. She is not giving you a gift, she is trusting you with her child's life!
Blessings to you!
- Mallory Fogas, Owner of Arrow and Root
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