It was all centered around an unexpected phone call, a briskly packed bag of baby clothes, and a drive to the hospital in which can only be described as a qualifying race. We walked (and by walked, I mean ran) into the hospital waiting room, where all of his biological family was gathered around. We were quickly informed that because of his NICU stay, we wouldn’t be able to see him until the next morning. And then the sun rose, and they placed him in the arms of a woman with a visitor’s tag: “Hi, Jude! I’m your mommy!”
After a failed adoption and multiple failed IVF and surrogacy attempts, we were used to losing babies by this point. Nothing surprised us nor scared us anymore; in fact, we were numb to all of the emotions until the very moment they laid him in my lap. And then that was it- I’ve been completely smitten ever since, and everyone that knows him understands why.
But there was a day when we felt completely unqualified for the calling upon which we’d been directed. It was very clear that adoption was for us- that was for certain. But after a failed adoption, we, as one normally would, began to wonder if we’d heard Him right. “Lord, I think you’ve got the wrong girl; you’ve called the wrong number! *The number you have reached…*” And while humor can only help heal your broken heart to such extent, Scripture always sent our cup overflowing. The countless hours my husband and I divulged in the Word of God after our failed adoptions was genuinely the saving grace for our marriage. Situations such as the loss of a child (we miscarried four) or the failing of adoption placements can be a tipping point for most marriages- it often makes ya’ or breaks ya’. We valued our time spent praying together with God, and as weary as we were then, have never referred to that time in our lives as “the dark days” as one may understand. It was fairly peaceful… Jesus, people.
If you’re a waiting mama, keep waiting. His precious and perfect will outweighs your dreams. Dream anyways. If you’re a weary mama, keep praying. Hit your knees on that kitchen floor and audibly cry out to Him. Your tears are worthy of flowing and their heard, every single one of them. It isn’t fun to admit our needs. It isn’t fun to admit to our weaknesses, and confess that we can't do this without Him. Admit anyways. If you’re a wanting mama, and you’re praying for the family God has for you, but your desires haven’t yet been made complete, desire anyways. This is the design He made for you, and this is the day He has made. Let’s rejoice and be glad in it!
Often it feels as though you’re racing to qualify, or you don’t feel qualified at all. He doesn’t call on the qualified; He qualifies the called. God doesn’t need our qualifications, He needs your heart. He needs your “yes.” He needs your faithfulness.
He places those intricate details of our lives at just the right time, for just the right reason, for Him to gain the glory in just the right season. Draw near to Him in all of your hearts’ desires.
-Jessica Gilmer, Mustard Seed Adoption Consultants and Blogger