I oftentimes find myself feeling misplaced. Where do I belong? Why am I feeling these emotions? I shouldn't be experiencing these emotions. I should be feeling those emotions instead.
People don't like to talk about those of us who are half adopted. Maybe they just don't think about it. Maybe they don't think about us. I never really thought about my story in this way until 7 years ago when I ran into my brother in a public place, whom I never knew I had. Let me back up for a second before you jump to the conclusion that my parents hid something from me. They didn't. My mom gave birth to me when she was 15 years old. My biological father never wanted to be in the picture, at least not like a true father figure would typically want to be.
When I was 3 years old, he terminated his parental rights and shortly after my mom married a wonderful man whom I call- Dad. He has taken on the role of who God says a father should be. I always new this about my story. It was never hidden from me.
Fast forward to that day in June, 7 years ago, when a teenage boy walked into my workplace and declared (privately) to a coworker that he was my brother. This I didn't know. It turned my world upside down. In a good way I presume. It surfaced emotions I never new existed deep within my soul. Questions. So many questions. Who was I? Where did I come from...not in the physical sense, but who provided the other half of my DNA? The emotions I experienced, and still do to this day, are the same ones of any adoptee. Just because my "adoption" was different than the typical domestic or international situation, it doesn't change that a biological part of who I am, one of the persons who provided the opportunity for my life to be formed, didn't want to parent me. Didn't want to know me. That will always shape my viewpoint on life. My understanding of adoptees, understanding of the sense of loss that seems to loom throughout your life. This is the hard, ugly side of adoption. Thankfully there are fewer hard parts than there are good.
I am blessed to be able to take my point of view and help others create books that they will present to an expectant parent who could potentially choose them to parent her child. I am able to embrace, in a unique way, how the Lord adopts us into His Kingdom forever. I have a deep appreciation for women experiencing unintended pregnancies and find themselves in the midst of a hard, life altering decision. I find my mom remarkable and full of strength because in my "father's" no, she still said yes. I am in awe of my dad who embraced both my mom and I, her daughter, in such a special way. He has NEVER treated me any differently than the other children in my family. In fact, I find that I will oftentimes think a lot like him.
Even though this significant act has forever shaped who I am, it will not define me. It will allow me to gain perspective and pass on wisdom. It will allow me to extend compassion and love in transparent ways. It will allow me to connect in the heart spaces of other individuals who have experienced a similar situation.
Sometimes I wonder who I am. But most days, I know who I am. I am a daughter of the Lord All Mighty.
- Mallory, Owner of Arrow + Root